LISTROPHY - 10 Things Not To Tell Your Girlfriend (cuz you don't want Gonorrhea)

Submitted to LISTROPHY.com but never accepted - bastards!

1- Never ever tell your girlfriend the truth...
2- Never tell your girlfriend that you don't know if you trust her. Because in her crazy little reptilian mind, that's a reason to cheat.
3- And never ever tell your girlfriend that you watch porn as you have just unwittingly given her damaged little psyche all the excuse it needs to go full blown psycho slut on your dumb ass.
4- And never ever ever tell your girlfriend that you sometimes think about other girls as you might as well have just signed her up for a membership to AdultFriendFinder - because she will be banging, it just won't be with you much anymore brother.
5- And never ask your girlfriend where's she's going on a Friday night dressed like a whore, as she will simply accuse you of being controlling, scream, storm out of the house, get shitfaced at the bar then blow some guy in the back of your car.
6- And never ever tell your girlfriend that you think she might have a drinking problem the day after she comes home at ten in the morning after drinking all night and blowing some dude in the back of your car, as she will simply accuse you of being controlling, scream, then storm out of the house, get shitfaced at the bar and blow some guy in the back of your car, again...
7- Also, never tell your girlfriend that you think it might be a good idea that you take a little time off from each other to sort some things out unless you're sure that you never ever want to see her again. As while you're taking some time off from the relationship to sort things out she will be wildly and drunkenly banging as many people as possible to spite your existence. And you don't want Gonorrhea...
8- And never ever ever tell your girlfriend that while you were taking some time off from each other to sort some things out you drunkenly kissed some girl one night, as that will immediately send her out on a drunken pill induced fucking spree! And you don't want Gonorrhea...
9- And come to think of it, it's not a good idea to tell your girlfriend that you think her idea of having a threesome with a black guy is a good one as she'll probably forget to tell you about the time and place. And you don't want that image in your head for the rest of your life.
10- And lastly, never ever ever ever ever in a moment of weakness ask your girlfriend if she wants to get married. As you're just askin' for trouble. And you don't want Gonorrhea...